Where Art and Psychology Meet: Bryan Lewis Saunders' Self-Portraits Under the Influence

Peddie Psychology & Sociology Club | Reported by Elaine Liu, March 2025

Most of us have seen self-portraits before. Some have even drawn a few, but I doubt any have ever looked like Bryan Lewis Saunders’. His face shifts from sharp and detailed to a smeared blur, from hyperreal to barely human. It isn’t a stylistic choice, however -- it’s chemistry at work.

In 2001, Saunders began a self-experiment that sits at the intersection of art and neuroscience. He ingested a different substance each day and drew himself while under its effects. Over time, the result became a catalog of altered perception, showing in real time how drugs change cognition, emotion, and creativity.

Some of these substances are familiar—Adderall, Xanax, LSD. Others are obscure—Dilaudid, 2C-I, Abilify. Each one altered how he saw himself, and his self-portraits document that transformation.

A Face as a Test Subject

Saunders had already been drawing a self-portrait every day since 1995, a commitment to documenting his existence. But in 2001, he wanted to push it further. He took substances ranging from prescription medications to hallucinogens, stimulants, depressants, and even common household items.

Some of the most striking portraits include:

Methamphetamine – His face is tight, his eyes are enormous. The lines are jagged, restless, unfinished. Meth floods the brain with dopamine and norepinephrine, heightening alertness and compulsive behavior (Volkow et al., 2001). His portrait looks like it was drawn by someone who couldn’t sit still.

Psilocybin Mushrooms – His form melts into the background, the lines organic and fluid. Psychedelics disrupt the brain’s default mode network, increasing connectivity between normally separate regions (Carhart-Harris et al., 2016). His portrait feels less like a drawing and more like a visualization of thought dissolving.

Xanax (Alprazolam) – Barely any effort. Flat, unfinished. Benzodiazepines suppress activity in the amygdala, reducing stress but also numbing response to external stimuli (GABA receptor modulation, Ashton, 1995). His drawing reflects that absence.

DMT – His face fractures into geometric patterns, colors explode outward. DMT is known to produce intense visual hallucinations and synesthesia (Gallimore & Strassman, 2016). His self-portrait barely holds onto its structure, mirroring the rapid dissolution of ego associated with the drug.

Hydrocodone (Opioid Painkiller) – His face looks ghostly, fading into the background. Opioids don’t just kill pain; they dull emotional response, muting the brain’s natural reward system (Kosten & George, 2002). His art looks like it was drawn by someone watching themselves disappear.

Abilify (Aripiprazole, an Antipsychotic) – Distorted, disproportionate, the features stretched in different directions. Antipsychotics regulate dopamine and serotonin, but they also suppress creative flow in many users (Seeman, 2002). The discomfort in his drawing feels involuntary, like his brain struggling to balance itself.

Each of these portraits is a direct reflection of neurochemistry at work, snapshots of perception itself being hijacked by external substances.

The Science of Altered Perception

Saunders’ work provides a rare visual record of how different drugs affect the brain. Some of his portraits align with research on psychoactive substances and creativity:

Stimulants (Meth, Adderall, Cocaine) – Increase dopamine and norepinephrine, heightening focus but also obsession. Saunders’ stimulant-induced portraits tend to be highly detailed, intense, and erratic.

Psychedelics (LSD, Psilocybin, DMT) – Increase communication between brain regions that don’t normally interact, leading to heightened imagination and sensory blending. His psychedelic portraits show fragmentation, color distortion, and boundary dissolution.

Depressants (Xanax, Alcohol, Opioids) – Reduce neural activity and emotional response, leading to lethargy, apathy, or a lack of precision. His drawings on these substances are often unfinished or lifeless.

Studies support what Saunders’ work visually demonstrates. Research from Imperial College London shows that psychedelics like LSD deactivate the brain’s default mode network, allowing for more fluid thought patterns (Carhart-Harris & Friston, 2019). Meanwhile, a study from the National Institute on Drug Abuse shows that stimulants like meth cause compulsive focus and repetitive behaviors (Volkow et al., 2001).

His portraits visually capture what brain scans and research papers explain in numbers and graphs.

What It Cost Him

Saunders has openly admitted that taking so many substances in such a short time took a toll. He experienced brain fog, lethargy, and lingering cognitive effects. Some of these substances are known to cause long-term neural changes.

Long-term stimulant use can permanently alter dopamine pathways (Koob & Volkow, 2010). Heavy benzodiazepine use can lead to cognitive impairment and dependency (Lader, 2011). Even psychedelics, which are often seen as “safe,” can trigger lasting psychological effects in some users (Nichols, 2016).

Saunders slowed down after realizing the risks, spacing out his experiments over longer periods. His project stands as both an artistic achievement and a cautionary tale.

Concluding Thought: Who Are We Without Chemistry?

Looking at Saunders’ self-portraits, one thing becomes clear: perception is fluid. The way we see ourselves is not fixed—it’s shaped by brain chemistry, emotion, and external substances. If a drug can make someone draw themselves as unrecognizable, what does that say about identity?

Saunders’ work challenges the idea that we have a stable, permanent self. He shows us what we really are—neurons firing, chemicals shifting, perception rewriting itself moment by moment.

Want to see the full series? Check it out here: bryanlewissaunders.org

The Extraordinary Self Portraits of Bryan Lewis Saunders